Tuesday, April 22, 2008
The Best High School Reunion I Never Went To!
Last week 50 people from my old school got together at a bar/hotel for a little reunion. It was all my old friends and enemies from grade 8. I would definately have made the trip up to Canada for it but the thing was arranged just recently and I had already booked my vacation to Florida with the family.
Still, it was a great reunion for me.
Firstly, I was a cute but short little runt back then of average to below average popularity. There was this one average looking girl Janice who had a crush on me and we kinda became boyfriend and girlfriend. I say kinda because we never really did anything other than state that we were an item. I hadn't even reached puberty yet.
Anyway everyone shows up at the reunion and most the guys are fat and bald and the girls are fat and sagging, but not Janice. She's like POW! Smokin hot! and all the guys are trying to chat her up, but she keeps asking for me. In fact she has a few drinks and continues to ask for me all night long like I'm gonna magically appear. Did I mention she's divorced? Good thing I wasn't there. So by not showing up I now have the guilt free satisfaction of knowing that all my fellow classmates know that the prettiest girl in class digs me. But that is not the best part.
The best part is what happened to big Bully Ken. Big Bully Ken was a real prick when I knew him and was twice my size and used to beat the crap out of people for fun including me.
What happened to him?
No he didn't die, I'm not that vindictive and it's even better.
get this. He had a sex change!
This guy was a friggin Gorilla. There is no way he could become a convincing woman. Perhaps this may explain his inner hostility. I still can't get over the shock. The embarrassing part is that I now have to admit I was beaten up by a girl.
Life is stranger than fiction